


Spock's Bishop

by Teactoc



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Post-Star Trek Beyond, Protective Spock, Star Trek TOS References, Telepathy, jim kirk is a stubborn little shit you'll want to give a hug to, you too spock
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-02
Updated: 2017-12-29
Packaged: 2019-02-09 19:43:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 15,671
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12895356
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Teactoc/pseuds/Teactoc
Summary: Jim once asked Spock what he would do without him and his first officer never really answered him. Instead, he stole his bishop after months of incredible passion and left to help with the reconstruction and repopulation of New Vulcan because it was “the only logical choice”.AKA Kirk and Spock being utterly miserable and running into each other's arms when their lives are at stake.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Here it is, i'm so excited!!   
> Though it's not my first fic, it's my first Star Trek & Spirk fic ever (and my first post here on AO3) and i can't wait to share this with whoever is willing to read it. I'm anxious too cause english isn't my native language. And there are so many amazing authors out there i admire...   
> Anyway, i'll post a chapter a week. It's gonna be short, probably 5 parts at most.
> 
> So um.. enjoy?

1.1

“It is the only logical choice.” Spock says this to himself every time he opens his eyes after he had an adequate time of rest or after his meditation sessions. He is not keen on repeating himself the same thing every day but he finds it necessary and "what is necessary is never unwise" his father told him once.

Spock is committed to the truth, but something makes him invariably uneasy when it comes to this particular choice he made. Almost as if he is trying to convince himself that it is the truth, that something is not completely wrong. Maybe it is just the tense that is the problem. Maybe it ‘was’ the only logical choice at that time but now it ‘is’ not. But then again, retrospectively, was it really what was needed to be done?

He spends so much time reflecting on these questions it is almost enough to ease the physical pain that took over him the moment he stepped a foot on New Vulcan.

On the outside of course, he is performing exceptionally. His days are filled enough for him to put his mind onto more duties than any vulcan would take on because Spock is dedicated, over efficient, too zealous some would say too.

He needs to be more anyway, to prove to himself he is the best. He does not need to prove the vulcan council of his abilities. They begged for his help and he is now not even sure why he agreed, so he certainly does not overwork himself to give them satisfaction, no he just does not want this to be in vain.

Sure he wanted to honour the work of late Ambassador Spock and his people needed his scientist’s mind to help in the repopulation of New Vulcan. And in that sense he surely has succeeded. The team he supervises came up with the whole artificial reproducing system that would scratch off his people from the endangered species’ list in a few years after all. It should have been enough reasons to follow the path he chose without thinking twice about it. He was ready to do this before the events of Altamid anyway.

But Jim asked what would he do without Spock and things had changed. Things that made the consequences of his choices turned into excruciating sacrifices.

Spock never said anything about his first attempt at leaving Starfleet, and seeing Jim never bringing the subject, he was convinced that the doctor never spoke about it with the captain either.

They did kind of talk about the question he asked as McCoy and him saved his life on Yorktown in their hijacked alien ship. Oftentimes he would blame his eidetic memory, however illogical it was to blame his natural ability, for memorising so perfectly that day and that conversation.

It was when the reconstruction of the Enterprise-A finally reached its completion. The senior officers boarded first and Kirk, as the dedicated captain he was, personally greeted every single member of the crew back aboard the ship. Spock stood by his side, watching Jim shine everytime a new batch of their crew would materialize in the transporter room.

It never ceased to fascinate Spock, the powers Jim’s emotions had on him, and how sometimes he just had to be standing next to him to feel how proud he was, on this instant for example, of his “family”. How worried he was for their safety, how excited he was that they all choose to remain around him to resume their mission together.

He should have been touching him to be able to study him so easily but their connection was so strong that Spock was reading him like an open book sometimes.

He could have raised his shields but truthfully, he did not wanted to. Jim’s emotions were always so raw and powerful that Spock basked in them like a reptile would bask in the sun.

In fact, metaphorically speaking, Spock would often view Jim as the sun, considering how his emotions would act as waves, the same way sunbeams would spread on the surface of a celestial object, being a planet or a life-form etc...

Of course it would not have anything to do with the gold of Jim’s hair, the sun-touched color of his skin or the way he would perfectly wear his command gold.

Jim put a halt to his thoughts with a hand on his first officer’s arm, signaling him they were done and invited Spock that night to his quarters for their first ever chess match now that they were, as the captain said, back “home”.

Just like Spock would never truly think of Earth as his home, Jim would never truly belong to the third planet of the Solar system for he was made to be among the stars.

After the “welcome back” party the crew threw in the mess hall, Spock joined Jim in his room like they promised each other earlier. The captain had not got their chessboard ready when Spock entered. He noticed the temperature slightly raised for his own comfort and observed Jim’s back while he stood in front of his bookshelf, carefully studying the leather spine of a particular book, Spock recognised, he gifted him for one of his birthdays.

He thought at first he had not been noticed since he came inside without having to ring his door. They were used to enter one’s quarters with their overriding codes for those kind of rendez-vous.

“Something is troubling you, Jim.” This time it was not about reading his captain’s emotions, it was about figuring out his friend and all the things that were “off” about him. “You left the mess early,” Spock continued while Jim remained unmoving with his back turned. “It is uncharacteristic of you to flee social gatherings, especially this one considering its significance.”

“Is it really?” Jim seemed to wonder aloud, his hand gripping the material of the shelf hard. “Have you considered that maybe I just wanted to be on my own with my lady for the big reunion mister Spock?” he asked, finally turning around.

Spock cocked an eyebrow at that question. He was more than aware of the time Jim spent overseeing the construction of the Enterprise-A, surely he had enough time with her already.

“Of course you've considered that...” Jim sighed, casting one last look to the book before walking past Spock to lay out the board and chess pieces on his desk. Spock took his seat as he watched Jim’s hands move over the tri-dimensional board in undisturbed silence.

The Enterprise was new but their dance was still the same. A routine Spock should have been comfortable with but as days passed, it only lead to an ever growing uneasiness between the two men.

They started playing eventually without another word said and as he took Spock’s bishop, Jim finally opened his mouth, his voice almost unheard. “I’m just not sure I can do this for another mission.”

Jim was an illogical being, but it startled Spock to think he would have denied himself the vice-admiral position if he was not sure flying the Enterprise again was a good idea. Jim was also more focused on Spock’s bishop than on him which was another clue of Jim’s real issue.

“You are not talking about your captaincy.” He stated and watched the corner of Jim’s lips lift upward minimally.

“Do you know that in french, the bishop is called the jester, the fool?” Jim put the piece on the table between their two hands like an obstruction between them, standing in their way should one would want to reach out for the other. “Sometimes, I think that’s what I am.” His eyes were still lingering on the piece and Spock knew he had to let Jim expose his thoughts while uninterrupted. “I am a fool for thinking I could keep you by my side while being silent. I am a fool for trying to convince myself I could run this new ship while watching you from afar… Again.”

Jim fell silent for a while and Spock did not know what to do. He was at loss, like it would usually happen whenever it would revolve around Jim. He registered faintly the quickening pace of both their hearts but on the outside, they remained composed. The living image of professionalism and somehow, strangely, it unnerved Spock.

His feelings for Jim were clear and understood. Simple, even, was this feeling he had for the man that gave his life for his ship and would repeatedly do so. Harder was the talk about something so strong and unfamiliar, illogic, to Spock’s trained mind.

“Jim, what are you trying to say?” came Spock’s question, hushed, almost whispered with a wavering low tone.

It made Jim’s eyes finally land on Spock’s face. “Are we gonna have this dance forever Spock? The one where I pretend I’m not a fool for you Spock. The one where I make a fool of myself for being madly in love with you and you pretend you don’t notice. Because when we were finally back on the ship together earlier I was thinking Spock. I don’t know what I would do without you but I’m tired of being that kind of fool.”

He looked away and Spock let out a breath he had not realised he was holding. Like he knew the expanse of his own feelings, he sure knew that of his captain’s as they crushed his shields with their force when he was dying in the warp-core radiation chamber. But Spock was still with Nyota when Jim came back to life, even if in the end, she too, understood the depth of the two men’s attraction on that fateful day. After that, well, Spock just thought it was best for the commanding duet to wait for a more appropriate time to talk about this whole issue. A time where they would not be a captain and his XO.

Although there was no strict regulation regarding love life aboard a ship, Spock was concerned about this reflecting badly on the captain and he knew how much Jim valued his life among the stars. Spock just did not wanted them to be used as an excuse to send him where he did not belong, or worse, break them apart. What he did not think through was how Jim, or he, would cope with their repressed emotions.

Spock took the bishop, the fool in his hand and put it in his pocket before reaching out for Jim’s hand still on the desk. He turned his head towards Spock and watched their hands linked, the surge of emotions coming from the both of them filling Jim's eyes with tears he never shed when Spock finally put an end to their misery. “I think it is time for you to rest then.”

Spock picks the bishop from his pocket as he watches over the desert of New Vulcan from his window and casts a glance toward the now worn out chess piece. There were so many things no one thought through...

1.2

“Six months left, I can do that.” Jim counts down the days until the end of the mission after every shifts he successfully completes. It takes a little bit of persuasion for his body and mind to comply with his duties but he thinks he’s doing a good job at hiding the harrowing pain.

He had his heart broken in the past, sure. Often even, because Jim can’t just “like”. When he does something, he throws everything he has and “come what may”. So, naturally, when it comes to his love life, Jim doesn’t know how to protect himself.

He fell in love with his first officer while the said officer was in a relationship with his chief communication officer that also happened to be his friend.

Talk about some desperate situation…

He had an advantage he thought, in knowing that in another universe, another him and another science officer had been hopelessly in love until death did them apart. He naively thought that it would mean they would remain side by side but his Spocks proved him wrong. One by showing him what happened when the mission ended in his universe, the other one by actually leaving before it even ended in this one.

It was such an agony already though when he woke up from the dead to realise they accidentally melded through the glass of the warp-core chamber and that everything he felt was reciprocated.

Spock’s relationship with Nyota ended while he was in rehab and she confessed to Jim quickly that she could never have lighted up the spark of Spock’s feelings the way he did. She was neither upset about it or jealous, which reinforced his respect for her, as she assured him that Spock and her were best suited as friends rather than lovers.

Jim waited then for Spock to broach the subject but nothing came.

He was a fearless captain, or rather he had the reputation of being one so he could have said something himself but an illogical doubt was always there in the back of his mind thus he kept his mouth shut.

A reputation doesn’t mean it’s always true. In his case, more often than not.

So, without ever talking about what they were feeling for each other, they began to fool themselves.

Just like he’s trying to fool everyone on his ship ever since Spock left for New Vulcan.

Well, almost everyone acts like Jim is doing an excellent job at that, Bones on the other hand acts like he always do. “When was the last time you slept?” he asked once in the mess hall, pointing his accusatory fork toward Jim’s face.

Jim would never tell his friend the truth. That he’s running away from his bed like the plague because it would always end up in nightmares and tears and him dragging his limping body to Spock’s bed for a chance to comfortably rest at least an hour or two.

But the physician is not stupid and even if Jim would never admit the truth with actual words, he also, can read everything on Jim’s exhausted figure. Every now and then he would slip some sleeping hypos onto Jim’s tray when they would meet up to eat together and the captain would simply nod, too overwhelmed by his friend’s way of caring silently to even say thank you.

Bones never forced Jim to talk to him and he blessed the CMO for that. Maybe he should have poured his heart out for his friend to help mend it but Jim was afraid no matter how illogical it was, that it would somehow make his time spent as Spock’s lover disappear.

For a while, Jim took the hypos and it worked. The newfound energy he gained from them was used to keep him always busy, more than he already was.

Jim had constantly been restless but the amount of activities he engaged himself into quickly became troubling and Bones found out that he was not trying to sleep anymore that day that marked the six months left before the end of the mission.

“Are you trying to kill yourself kid?!” he barks at the end of Jim’s regularly scheduled medical exam “because it looks like at some damn point you’re gonna succeed!”

Jim looks down, guilty of charges. Although technically he hasn’t given up on life it sure feels like it. “I’m just trying to keep my mind busy…” he shrugs, not willing to say aloud a truth that would hurt them both.

“Why have you stopped taking your hypos?” the doctor’s voice comes out filled with sincere concern this time.

“Not working anymore.”

Bones frowns, the dosage is very high already, it would have knocked out a whole army of klingons honestly, but he doesn’t say a word and studies a PADD that is displaying the results of Jim’s exam and his medical record instead. “I’ll figure something else” he sighs and runs a hand on his face as if to smooth the wrinkles grown hollow with years of medical practice and over caring. “But Jim, something’s wrong with your neural pattern and I don’t think that’s just because you’re a goddamn idiot that refuses to ask for help!” he punctuates as Jim leaves medbay.

“I know...” Jim whispers, rubbing his temples in a pointless attempt to ease the stabbing headache that first started when Spock left and never stopped ever since, only worsened.

Jim once asked Spock what he would do without him and his first officer never really answered him. Instead, he stole his bishop after months of incredible passion and left to help with the reconstruction and repopulation of New Vulcan because it was “the only logical choice”.

Was that his reply?

Now that Jim feels like he’s dying from an excruciating pain because he’s on his own, he hopes he never asked his question so that maybe, maybe he would never have had to witness the response.

After he had died once, he thought his ache couldn’t get much worse, boy he was so wrong.

“Six months.” he repeats to himself as he sits in his captain’s chair on the bridge. He tries his best not to look at the science station every time he has to talk to someone behind him and always receives a sympathetic glance from Uhura, quickly avoiding her pity with a forced grin that certainly doesn’t fool her but keeps her away with her concerns nonetheless.

What will he do in six months? He had already been offered several positions but none of them came along with the prospect of a life alongside a certain half-Vulcan and it’s not like he will board the first shuttle for New Vulcan and knock at Spock’s door with a suitcase in one hand and flowers in the other. With the heat they would wilt and Jim is allergic to most species anyway.

After all, Spock had left. He made his choice and albeit unwilling, Jim supported him. So why should he be the one crawling back to him?

Because he needs him, desperately.

He should have admitted that he wanted Spock to stay. He should have argued against logic.

Spock often told him that his emotions were so powerful they were regularly the turning point in hopeless situations.

He should have cried and begged and screamed. He should have been selfish and illogical.

He was in a hopeless situation, his emotions should have been able to make Spock waver right? But for that to happen he shouldn’t have shielded them from the very first time the Vulcan council asked Spock for his help.

Jim’s so lost in his thoughts, so tired too that he doesn’t feel the tingling sensation at the back of his head at first but when it appears like it’s pulling on his mind lightly, he comes back to reality just as Chekov signals him they are orbiting Talos IV.

After a devastating war centuries ago that left the planet desolated and unable to sustain any kind of life forms it’s now showing encouraging signs and the Enterprise was sent to study and acknowledge, or not, those reported observations from the probes.

As soon as Bones hears that Jim is part of the landing party he, of course, demands to be in as well, resulting in a heated quarrel between the captain and chief medical officer, or between two friends, it’s not really clear where the line is drawn between duties and friendship with the two of them sometimes.

Eventually, Jim gives away and the landing party beams down the surface with Scotty having the conn while Jim, Bones and Sulu are away with the addition of another science officer and a security one.

The planet is far from being a sight for the eyes. The sky, even at night, is a constant mixture of gray and green, so cloudy you could barely guess it has two moons. It’s rocky and the orange sands contrast a lot, and not in the best way, with the violet mineral formations. Still, Sulu finds several plant forms and other flora samples he gathers for further studies aboard the ship and so does the other scientist officer Jim refuses childishly to use the name of.

It should be Spock here on the surface of Talos IV, clasping his hands behind his back while looking upon the once barren land, whispering how fascinating it is to be bystanders in such a place.

The tug at the back of his head manifests itself again but Jim ignores it, associating it with his delusional thoughts about Spock.

It’s only when it makes him wince that Bones runs by his side with a worried look. He doesn’t have the chance to try and reassure him that something snaps in his mind, at the same spot he felt the pull earlier and Jim cries in utmost suffering, losing slowly consciousness with the amount of pain coursing through his whole body.

He knows nothing about his assailant, not even seeing where he comes from but just before completely passing out, he feels like something’s odd, like he’s alone even though physically he has to be in Bones’ arms since the doctor had run to his side just before whatever the hell it was happened.

“Six months I had left, seems I can’t even do that.” he thinks before he blacks out completely.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm posting this earlier than i wanted cuz tomorrow i'll be super busy and exhausted with work. You know retail and xmas don't exactly match well with one's health and sanity. Anyway, I'm kinda nervous about this one (but then again when am i not nervous?). Ah and i wanted to thank everyone that left kudos and comments and simply just read this little thing of mine with all my weird grammar and the many mistakes in it. It means more than i'll ever be able to express. 
> 
> So um.. enjoy? And see you next week!

2.1

Jim wakes up stretching his sore muscles, his legs mostly as he feels a slight weight restraining the movements of his upper body. Upon further inspection, meaning after reluctantly having cracked an eye open, he finds out that the source of his struggle is an arm, said arm belonging to his very own first officer with his eyes closed and his hair ruffled.

He snorts somewhat, the very singular picture of a disheveled Spock promptly engraved in his memory along with all the other surreal amount of images of Spock being the ‘perfect-under-any-circumstances’ Vulcan.

He knows Spock isn’t really sleeping because his breathing pattern is the one he is accustomed to.

When he first realised it, months, even years ago that he knew of Spock’s respiratory habits, Jim thought it was freaky, to say the least, but it helped him focus during particularly boring missions, tensed or stressing ones, so he kept his quirk of concentrating on Spock’s breathing rhythm. An anchor to his sanity.

Hearing and feeling Spock’s chest moving up and down slowly to his own personal rhythm, the one Jim is used to, from such a close distance, calms and soothes him in more ways than one. Combined with the delicate humming of his lady’s engines it makes him feels complete, like a song reunited with its lyrics. And what beautiful lyrics Spock is writing while resting in Jim’s embrace.

He grins, all the way to his ears and tightens his hold onto the other man in his bed, watching intently the light green tainted features that he’s tempted to map with his lips.

“I know you’re not sleeping.” He tries to hide the singing tone of his voice, failing miserably as he examines Spock’s lips barely curving upwards.

To most people, such a thing would go unnoticed but Jim isn’t most and he has spent all the years he has known Spock studying him and all his almost-smiles, all his raised, knitted eyebrows, the repressed sighs and held breaths.

And the list could go on and on, but Spock’s hand is currently traveling up and down Jim’s chest, delicate fingers taking in every curves, every scars, every beauty spots of his, which distract Jim’s mind from his thinkings.

“Indeed I am not.” There’s the almost-smile on Spock’s lips and that’s all Jim needs to press a soft, chaste kiss onto Spock’s inviting mouth. “I find it fascinating how your mind never seems to quiet down.” Spock whispers in between butterfly kisses and Jim stops almost immediately, casting a fake affronted look.

“Are you spying in my head already Commander?” he asks but doesn’t let Spock a chance to answer as he is already busying their mouths, the sweet kisses forgotten when Jim pushes his tongue between Spock’s lips, exploring his mouth with the same enthusiasm he demonstrates about his exploring mission given by Starfleet.

Because when James T. Kirk does something, he throws everything he has.

He knows the risks about blind gambles, he has burned himself with fire all of his life but isn’t the reward worth the bumps on the road? Isn’t the reward worth all the unspoken desire accumulated all the years they have spent alongside each others?

If he wasn’t sure about the answers to that before, the quick shuddering breaths coming right now from Spock are enough to ascertain his hesitation.

By the time they both catch their breath, Spock’s hand is running down Jim’s stomach, idle fingertips circling his navel and as it has happened often lately, Jim loses track of his thoughts.

He closes his eyes, biting his bottom lip in a failed attempt to hide the anticipation that rises his erection every time Spock’s hand reached further down his body. As he feels Spock’s fingers hooked on the waistband of his briefs, he’s trembling, the hot breath of his newfound lover caressing his neck, fueling his tremors.

The brave, reckless captain is once again fearful, doubtful that this is really happening. For the past years he barely dared to dream about those steady, slender fingers touching him as he tried seeking his release in sometimes the stupidest ways. But how can he question the way his first officer is dragging his palm up and down his already leaking length in a slow, resolute rhythm? It feels real enough for Jim to let out the moan he has been holding out for far too long and it comes out as desperate as he is joyful.

Hearing the same kind of despair in Spock’s altered breathings, Jim remembers soon enough the sensitivity of Spock’s hands and how he seems to enjoy touching him as much as Jim revels in Spock’s caresses. Which is good, because even if Jim isn’t a selfish lover, he wants to savor his fantasy to the fullest.

He groans when Spock’s warmth leaves him thrusting into nothing but thin air but he is quickly hushed with a kiss, messy yet heated. The faint sound of a bottle’s cap swiftly opened barely reaches his ears before he gasps against Spock’s mouth, leaning their foreheads together, holding tight onto his shoulder when one cold digit enters him.

“Spock-” Jim muffles his cries with clumsy kisses, his blue eyes turning a shade darker every time Spock hits his sweet spot.

Spock is thorough, like the good science officer he is, methodical even, despite the obvious needs that drive him to fasten his pace into Jim. The heat, the tightening of Jim’s muscles as he buries in another finger must be overwhelming for him too, Jim manages to think when he catches Spock covertly rubbing his own covered hardness against Jim’s thigh.

The slow-building pleasure makes Jim feels dizzy. He’s used to brief, angry fixes. Hasty touches when Spock was far enough from their joined quarters so his Vulcan ears wouldn’t catch his moans and other obscenities clouding his mind as he came. Quick fucks with strangers during their shore leaves, Jim’s mind so forlorn in his love and lust he’d blindly bang any creature that wouldn’t mind him crying out another’s name as he would reach his climax but not pleasure, never pleasure. He passed beyond the filthiness state a long time ago, but even if those encounters would leave him satiated for a short while, they would never bring him the same bliss he is feeling as of now, his mind and body doomed to be unfulfilled until Spock saved him from this curse.

Oh and filled he is right now. So full with Spock’s coated digits he doesn’t realise his erection is long forgotten and he barely wraps his palm around the strained, flushed skin that he comes in a raspy, muttered voice, dirtying his hand with spurts of his warm release, his body shaking along with Spock’s.

There’s a growl caressing his neck where Spock is hiding and nipping at the soft skin, and Jim knows that Spock has reached the same state of mind blowing pleasure with the way his regulation underwear sticks to Jim’s thigh.

They remain silent for a while, Jim’s empty of Spock’s fingers but delighted, buzzing with the remnants of their shared orgasm. They kiss, lazily, tongues sweeping their dried lips, noses nuzzling, eyes as clouded as their minds.

Reluctantly, they get up, heading for a quick shower to clean their mess and as they walk past the chessboard, Jim stops right in his track.

There are two bishops on the board.

When Spock turns around to see why Jim isn’t following him anymore he’s suddenly wearing those same stupid civilian clothes he wore on the day he left, his face devoid of any emotions as he fades slowly till Jim is completely left alone, abandoned in his quarters or wherever he is.

“No-” he breathes out, a whisper, a silent plea as he closes his eyes, blinking stinging tears away only to find he’s wearing clothes as well and never in his life has he despised his command gold as much as he is now. “Give him back to me!” he shouts toward the ceiling, his voice glooming with bitter anger and utter misery.

“You are in no position to make demands.” A stern voice answers and Jim snaps his head in every directions, waiting for the owner of the voice to appear.

“You’re in my mind, triggering my memories to render me docile enough to what? Give you informations? Well, I’m the one that knows what you need so just give me back Spock’s illusion and I’ll probably tell you anything you wish to know.”

There’s a long pause after that and he wonders if the telepathic sentient is considering what Jim offered or if he is pitying such desperation. At this stage of grief, Jim can’t care less about trading harmless intel for an illusion of his happiest past. Of course he won’t say anything classified, as heartbroken as he is, he’s still a Starfleet captain afterall.

Jim frowns when after another blink of his eyes he finds himself in a small cell behind a huge glass, watched by two aliens in grey robes and massive brain shaped heads.

“You seem intelligent,” the voice he heard before rings in his head but none of the aliens move their mouths, “why should we trust your informations if we were to give you what you ask?”

“Cause I’m hopeless like that.”

A thought suddenly occurs to Jim’s mind. Is Spock the no-win scenario he will never find a solution to? Because he sure as hell has never felt so helpless in his life.

He shrugs and takes a seat on the makeshift bed of his cell, looking at his captors. It’s just another day in the fleet.

“Why did you and your ship came all the way here to Talos IV?” A new voice asks, probably belonging to the other one in the room.

“You should know, you kinda have a free access to my brain, unless you just came to take a look at the juiciest stuff?” Jim’s laugh is as sour as his gaze.

“Is the surface finally able to sustain life for a prolonged period of time?” the alien says and Jim knows from the headache he’s left with, that it scrambled with his brain, not in the gentlest way, to learn that the Enterprise just came to study the viability of Talos IV.

“I don’t know,” he growls “you kidnapped me before we had a chance to analyse the data and samples we’ve collected.”

They observe him some more but Jim feels nauseous and is forced to lie down. They’re probably discussing among themselves because they seem to notice Jim’s state only now and he barely registers one of the Talosian’s words before collapsing. “His mate will come, we should prepare ourselves.”

2.2

Spock comes out from his meditation trance abruptly, taking a loud and deep breath of air as if he had his head held underwater the whole time. He does not sweat but if he had been able to, he would probably be soaked right now. His head spins and hurts so bad he is blinded with the pain for a short while. He clenches his fingers on the mat, laboured breathings echoing in the darkened room only lit up with scattered candles across the place.

He calls out for the lights, his eyes quickly adjusting to their brightness till he finds the chess piece he put on the nightstand by his bed the evening before.

“Jim-” he breathes out, and his head still hurts.

It will always hurt, unless he does something.

He calms down, inhaling and exhaling sharply, centering his mind on the informations he gathered with this session.

Just before the pain seized him, he was looking at a thread in his mind he was too afraid of approaching before.

He knew it was there, he even built a giant greenhouse above it, but it kept on escaping, stubbornly digging into the ground to come outside and tentatively reach for Spock’s hand every time the vulcan entered his own mind and walked in to inspect all of his different shields.

Spock never dared to approach the building and tried his hardest from afar to strengthen the confinement where he locked up every memories he had with his captain.

The thread was relentless though, gold and bright, inviting to Spock’s hand. It seemed soft but strong, warm and hopeful. Yet, Spock knew the moment he would touch it, the fabric would wrap itself around his wrist and he would never be able to let it go.

Not because there would be no possibilities to cut it, but because he would never have the will to do so.

In a way, the greenhouse he built was nurturing the strand. The longing gaze he sent towards the beautiful glass shelter making the thread flicker each time with hope. He could have build a wall, or a cage, trapping the thread in a more efficient way. No one said it had to be a gilded cage. No one said it had to be so loosely guarded the thread would always find its way outside. When did he became so inefficient really?

When he realised he made the wrong choice.

But he had to go. He had to help. He abandoned everything, he abandoned him for his people and they needed him. Otherwise they would have not asked for his help, right?

Vulcans do not lie, except to themselves. They fool themselves into believing they have to sacrifice everything for the greater good.

The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few, or the one.

“Bullshit” he whispers shaking his head.

Jim would be the kind of man that would turn that damn saying around.

Jim would turn the whole galaxy upside down honestly, because he is that kind of man. He would say ‘bullshit’ and would live for the day he would hear Spock saying it too.

His smile would be as bright as the sun of New Vulcan if he was here to witness that moment. The moment Spock would decide to throw it all away to run by his side.

There is an emergency, he reminds himself, a red alert going on in his mind because as he was examining the thread, finally readying himself to reach for it, it suddenly snapped. The gold ribbon decaying as Spock would walk closer and closer toward the greenhouse, desperate steps turning into a desperate run as he tried to grab a hold onto the material, almost thinking he would be able to stop the damages that way.

And it means one thing Spock is certain of: Jim is in danger, if not worse.

It is time for Spock to turn the galaxy upside down. To put aside logic and do what feels right.

His late counterpart gave him this advice once. He realises now that he should have never distanced himself from that path. He had been a fool for letting his vulcan side stomp on his human part.

The bishop has always been much more him to possess than Jim.

Spock gathers his things hastily once he has fully regained his senses and made up his mind. He schedules appointments with his father, with his scientific research team and with the New Vulcan council.

His father is the most indulgent. He knows the price of a sacrificed love and would never want for his son, the one he had with the woman he still loves deeply despite her fate, to suffer the same unfathomable pain.

His research team does not understand his motives but does not need him around anymore either. They are reaching the final stages of the project and it would be a waste of Spock’s abilities to have him monitoring the last phases, they tell him.

The New Vulcan council is just the same as they were when he declined his entry to the VSA back in the days. Blinded by the old vulcan ways, outraged with his blatant emotionalism toward a mere human. Thankfully, the new generation is more than aware that the Vulcan race has to evolve and embrace the IDIC philosophy more fully to truly survive. It is the only logical step, one the stubbornness of the elders cannot see yet.

Spock boards the first shuttle to Earth with the help of his father. He did not thanked Sarek because his father would have found it illogical to do so, but he is secretly pleased of his aid anyway.

The ship is on a diplomatic mission and he is an intruder in the delegation but he could not care less about the looks he gets whenever he is outside of his quarters.

He only goes out to eat anyway as he spends most of his time trying to meditate, to understand what happened with the thread, to come up with a plan.

When they reach Earth, Spock goes straight to the Starfleet HQ where he is received with mixed feelings at first. They welcome him as a New Vulcan diplomat, refusing in the beginning to give him informations about the Enterprise’s whereabouts but as he hints on a possible comeback, they practically shove him the key of his own shuttle to get to the Talosian system.

The idea of their publicly beloved captain in danger is a frightening one to Starfleet just as much as the idea of the best commanding duet back together is a thrill to them.

It is only when he is plotting the course for Talos IV in his one man ship that his iron will wavers ever so slightly.

No one knows he is ‘en route’ to the Enterprise. No one aboard, none of his former crewmates waits for him. He is not even sure they will gladly welcome him.

He knows how demanding he was as a science officer and as a first officer. He knows how his inflexibility had him as hated as he was revered and feared.

Jim had often told him how it was exactly this that made him the best first officer and his crew the finest in the fleet. The fact that he was so rigorous for the best interests of the ship that everyone was always trying its hardest to surpass Spock’s expectations.

“Jim-” Spock whispered softly, closing his eyes for a second trying to establish a contact, trying to reach out for the dying thread that found shelter inside the greenhouse. At least it was somehow safe inside when the first use of the arboretum was to imprison it. Oh the irony.

“Attention, attention unidentified vessel, this is the USS Enterprise, please identify yourself, I repeat, please identify yourself.” The voice pulling Spock from his futile attempt is vaguely familiar and he opens his communication channel to do as asked.

The pause that ensues is long and Spock knows that the communication officer is furiously relaying the information to the higher ranked personnel, the rumor of Spock coming back probably spreading around the ship like fire in the driest forest.

“Spock, is that really you?”

Uhura’s voice, even distorted by their communication devices is filled with hope, concern, worry. Out of breath a bit too, she must have ran to her station, too baffled by the officer’s news that she had to check herself if it was not some kind of devious joke the crew was sometimes so fond of.

“It is I Nyota” Spock answers, a fondness in his tone he would sometimes indulge himself into using with his friend, with his former lover. She had always been there for him, caring, understanding of his vulcan ways yet very illogically human too and he owed her a great deal of his ability to display his own emotions. “I would like to request permission to come aboard.”

“Permission granted, please stand by while we’re getting ready to beam you aboard.” Her smile is the second brightest after Jim’s and it is so sparkling that it can almost be heard through the space channel, “and Spock, welcome back.”

Soon enough, Spock is back in the safety of the ship he would always inwardly call ‘his’. As he materializes onto the transporter pad he finds quickly that his assumption was correct and that a small crowd has gathered into the room to ascertain that the rumor was true.

They are quickly dismissed by Scotty who beamed Spock aboard himself and he flashes a sympathetic smile to him, gaining a raised eyebrow from Spock as he steps away from the pad. “Welcome back Commander!”

“I am not the Enterprise’s first officer anymore mister Scott” Spock does not dare to say Jim’s name aloud for he is afraid it will shatter the frail controls he have successfully regained during his journey from New Vulcan and Earth.

“Aye sir.” The Chief Engineer nods but it is clear that he does not intend on thinking otherwise about Spock’s rank. To prove this further he walks him to the bridge though he is violating a few regulations by doing so but Spock does not stop him. He is not the Commander he was before but he came here with a mission and he needs a full report of the situation before acting on it.

Upon arriving on the bridge he is once again welcomed but by the senior crew this time and Sulu almost jumps out of the chair Jim gave him the custody to in his absence. The acting captain cuts the reunion short though, Spock thankful that he is not furthermore drowning under the tidal waves of their emotions. Most of them seem relieved with his presence and it is unsettling to Spock to think he is perceived as a savior more than a traitor. Nyota smiles at him as though she knows he misjudged how the crew would react to him being back on the bridge he left months ago without glancing behind him.

The report is short, efficient, the senior crew always performing so admirably despite the dire state of the situation.

Even if the wheels of his mind turn at warp speed to find a solution to the issue at hands, he cannot help the proudness he feels as everyone fills him up with informations about the disappearance of their dear captain.

“Mister Scott, I will beam down to the surface immediately. I am the only one able to search for the capt-” Spock is cut short by a familiar voice and furious steps coming right at him, an accusatory finger pointing at his stoic face.

“Well I’ll be damned… You!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh by the way, feel free to follow me on [tumblr](http://teactoc.tumblr.com/) if you want to idk... talk or just watch me reblog some star trek and spirk stuff?


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a little less angsty this time, hope you'll enjoy this new chapter! Only 2 more to go!

3.1

 

From what the Enterprise gathered, the Talosians are very much alive and not the extinct species the Federation thought them to be. Though the planet is now able to sustain life, (the Enterprise’s scientists had ample time to analyse the data and samples collected and are firm on that point), the surviving population had found shelter underground while it was still inhospitable. As to why and how they have managed to make the captain vanish from doctor McCoy’s arms, it is still a mystery to the crew.

 

The Federation early reports of the Talosian population, way back before the war that rendered the planet hostile, suspected them to be very powerful telepaths and that was probably the key to this whole story.

 

“Why is it always voodoo or crazy bloodthirsty beings? Why can’t it be, I don’t know.. not that?” The chief medical officer sighs as he listens to the crew reporting to Spock as if he is still their superior.

 

Spock is quite aware of the disapproving look that McCoy gives him all along. He knows that if he has apparently mislead himself with the whole crew’s reaction to him coming back, he is right about the doctor’s.

 

If Jim had been strangely passive during the whole departure issue, McCoy on the other hand had vehemently expressed his objection on the matter on several occasions before Spock actually left. Thus, it was not surprising that he would resent the Vulcan for his sudden unannounced reappearance.

 

They are planning Spock’s beaming down the surface when Bones bitter snort snaps all of the senior crew’s head in his direction.

 

“How convenient of you to play the knight in shining armor now Spock, really what would Jim do without you?”

 

Such a question is not innocent coming from the doctor and it stings but Spock’s face is the perfect stoic mask it has always been. There is a slight twitch from his eyebrow though that betrays him infinitesimally and Bones knows now that he has succeeded in his attempt to damage the emotional controls of the Vulcan.

 

Sulu tries to calm the doctor down but Spock holds out his hand to signal him that he can handle this.

 

“It was my understanding that you were in dire need of someone with telepathic abilities to retrieve the captain.” He answers, his tone firm, unyielding and he clasps his hands behind his back to hide the tremors that hit them after such a blow.

 

“It’s Jim for you Spock, surely with that perfect memory of yours you must remember that he’s not your captain anymore, just like you’re not the XO here. You have no right to order them around as you wish. There must be a Starfleet regulation you can quote on that matter right?”

 

His piercing gaze and the raw emotions he exudes tell everything to Spock that is left unsaid. How fiercely he hates the man for the misery that fell upon his best friend with Spock abandoning them and running away. How adamant he is on blaming the Vulcan for Jim’s situation.

 

If only he knew that Spock loathes himself just as much.

 

Spock should have been by Jim’s side, he is very much aware of that. Protecting his captain, his friend, his brother, his love, with his life. He should have been turning every rock on that supposed forsaken planet to find Jim, scan every sector of it, sooner, immediately.

 

Regrets are illogical and yet Spock is filled with them lately.

 

“If you have something to say, I will willingly listen to everything you want to voice later doctor, but I must beam down at once. Unless your medical expertise forbids you to let me do so, I believe I will take my leave now.”

 

And without waiting for the bite that would ensue, Spock turns to leave for the transporter room, the crew baffled after such a dialogue the two men exchanged.

 

“You green blooded bastard.” Bones hisses though he knows Spock’s superior hearing must have caught that with the way his pointed ears shudder just before the turbolift doors close down on him.

 

Scotty provides him with a tricorder, a phaser and a communicator before Spock gives him the silent order to beam him down on Talos IV exactly where they lost track of the captain.

 

The landing party had asked for emergency transportation when the captain had hit the ground and Scotty had locked on all them he was sure of that, he explained earlier on the bridge but when they materialized on the pads, McCoy’s arms were empty of Jim.

 

Spock closes his eyes as soon as the procedure is done and he finds himself back in the greenhouse in his mind. Careful not to scare the fragile, weak thread he walks silent steps, his body mirroring the action in his psyche as he follows the path toward the once golden ribbon that is now more of a disgustingly pale yellow.

 

“ _I’m coming Jim…_ ” he whispers, his velvet voice attempting to caress the soft material, the bond he should have taken care of sooner. “ _I’m coming back for you, let me find you…_ ”

 

His eyes are open now. His phaser in hands he has found the entry of a cave and is following a path that leads further down the surface with each tentative stride.

 

He knows he cannot communicate with the ship now and that he will have to rely on his ability to follow the unfulfilled, damaged bond to find Jim. That is the plan anyway.

 

The light, the real one that is guiding his steps is coming clearer now and he is careful as he enters an empty chamber, his phaser set to ‘stun’ though he is tempted to change it to ‘kill’ as he wanders through endless corridors and quickly runs out of patience.

 

After another turn into a long hallway the thread twitches, signaling him that he is close now and Spock takes a deep breath, raising his shields higher than ever for his encounter with the captors.

 

Stepping inside the room containing Jim’s cell he is surprised to find it empty of any Talosians just as his journey down there has been clear of any aliens.

 

It is too easy, Spock would find this suspicious if it was not for Jim lying seemingly asleep on the bed of his cell.

 

With a hit from his phaser, Spock cautiously shatters the glass without harming the captain and proceeds to step inside, quickly kneeling down next to Jim’s head, making sure the man is okay with a quick scan of his tricorder.

 

Aware that the noises will soon gather the enemies and that his time is running out, Spock places his hand on Jim’s face carefully spreading his fingers on Jim’s psi-points.

 

“Our minds, one and together” he murmurs and is immediately thrown into the buzzing, familiar place that is Jim’s mind, the man turning his back to him as he watches the stars from his favorite observation deck of the Enterprise.

 

“I must be on the ‘nice list’ this time if Santa gifts me what i want the most for christmas.”

 

Spock cannot see it but he can feel Jim’s soft, tender smile in his tone. “Jim, we must hurry…” he whispers, his breath caught with the sight of the man he has not seen in such a long time.

 

“Eager that much Mister Spock?”

 

Spock frowns, Jim should realise the emergency of the situation, unless…

 

“Jim you must wake up right now.” Spock urges him as he catches outside their meld hurried footsteps far from the cell but closing in.

 

“Wake up?” The young captain tilts his head as he slightly turns towards Spock, his eyebrows knitted and he lets out a soft chuckle before returning to his scrutiny. “Why would I want to wake up, on my own, when they bring you here in my mind and let me relive my most treasured memories?”

 

Spock’s heart painfully clenches at his side and he clasps his digits tight around the phaser he still carries within the confines of Jim’s mind, his anger toward the Talosians boiling the blood running in his veins as he realises how they tricked Jim to obedience. “Jim, you must know by now, this is not a memory. I am here. I came back for you. Please, ashayam, you must wake up now.”

 

“Oh no don’t you 'ashayam' me Spock…” Jim growls as he finally faces him swiftly. “I’m trying not to read too much about your presence in my mind right now, though now you mention it they said you’d be coming.. anyway it’s hard enough that you’re dazzlingly handsome in your black tunic-”

 

Spock cuts him as he strides quickly, closing the distance between them and wraps Jim in the tightest embrace, kissing him with all his might. It is fierce, bruising and Jim melts in his arms, his lips just as ardent, his moans swallowed under layers of repressed passion and love.

 

In Spock’s mind, the greenhouse crumples and the thread finally glows a glorious gold as it comes back to life, knocking down one of Spock’s shield as it makes its way toward the reunited couple and wraps itself around them, the part of the thread from Jim’s mind joining it, the bond, still unfulfilled finally tied at least to its counterpart.

 

The damage is done though and the shield is still down when the Talosians enters the room.

 

Jim is up and awake, conscious, reaching out for Spock’s arm to run away but is pushed afar, stumbling and he only has the time to cast a painful betrayed look towards Spock as he is beamed up to his ship with the help of the communicator Spock has turned on and slid in his hand.

 

“I am sorry” Spock whispers before he faints with the Talosians invading his unguarded mind.

 

3.2

 

“That son of a b-!” Jim shouts as soon as he’s in the transporter room, still a bit dizzy with the teleportation. “Beam me back immediately!”

 

He doesn’t even spare a glance to Bones standing next to the poor Scotty that is shaking his head, writhing his hands nervously on the console under the piercing, furious gaze of James T. Kirk, his friend and captain.

 

“I can’t!” the chief engineer whines and stands his ground, marching toward Jim to snatch the communicator from his hand. “We only got you back because i’ve tweaked that thing the commander gave you! I’m sorry Jim but for all I know I could transport you into a pile of rocks if I were to reverse the beaming. These aliens are a bunch of sneaky bastards if you ask me!”  he cools down as he places his free hand on Jim’s shoulder and the captain is thankful Scotty took the device away for would have smashed it on the ground.

 

“You mean to say this has been the plan all along?! Him instead of me?!” he asks stunned, his voice still raised with a wrath he’s barely hiding.

 

Scott shakes his head but he’s looking at the ground. Jim knows him well enough to interpret this as half a lie. Maybe on the outside everyone agreed to the plan but they were all aware of the high probability that this would turn out ugly and that Spock wouldn’t come back with him.

 

After all, this IS the Enterprise and nothing ever goes according to the plan.

 

Bones, as his usual self, is scanning Jim with his tricorder and god knows where he keeps it as he always seems to have one around.

 

He’s suspiciously speechless which immediately rings a siren in Jim’s mind.

 

“I’m fine Bones” he groans when he feels the cold material on his temple, “Actually, scratch that, you’re awfully silent, it scares me.”

 

“Come with me, I’d like to run some tests on you to make sure those damn witches haven’t done some mumbo jumbo to your stupid enough pea-brain.”

 

Jim frowns, the man clearly talks like his best friend but something’s off about him. There’s no life in his words, not the usual energy his rants have. He follows him to medbay though, excessively tired and helpless at the moment anyway. Furthermore, he knows that Bones has to clear him for duty before he gathers his crew for a debriefing and a brainstorming session to find some way to rescue Spock, and he doesn’t plan on delaying this any sooner than necessary.

 

Jumping on the biobed Jim exposes the whole story. How he has been treated, which he qualifies as ‘fairly good’ by his standards since he hasn’t been beaten up and adds that he doubts they would be able to do so anyway. “For all the demonstration of their powerful mind-reading abilities, they seem quite weak” he admits.

 

“Then why didn’t you try to, i don’t know… escape?” Bones rolls his eyes as he slams a hypo into Jim’s neck.

 

“Dammit Bones will you ever stop doing that?” Jim hisses and fidgets on the table. “I was this close to elaborate the right plan to do that ya know.” he whispers, using his fingers and squinting his eyes as he reduces the space between his thumb and index to mimic the idea.

 

It’s also a white lie and they both know it.

 

“My grandma would have been more efficient than that and you know it. You were just too happy with the voodoo they fed you with.”

 

“You’re just jealous i wasn’t dreaming about you sweetheart” he hums lightly, trying to tease the doctor and divert the path this conversation is heading to.

 

“Cut that crap with me kid! You’re gonna run into danger again to save the damn hobgoblin and though i’m fuckin’ happy he sent you back healthy to me, this, him back on the ship, is a recipe for a disaster and I’m not your friggin psychotherapist Jim, I don’t want to watch you shatter into pieces a second time. I mean I’ve never seen you give up so easily before and that’s because of that damn green-blooded bastard!”

 

Jim blinks rapidly, punched in the guts by Bones’ words, unable to deny even half of what has been said.

 

He has never before in his life refused to move on with such determination. Shoved into his throat the bravado and pretty act of the ‘I don’t believe in no-win scenarios’. When Spock left it destroyed him in more ways he care to admit and he isn’t proud of the mask he had to put on everyday in his attempt to hide how desperate Spock had rendered him.

 

Sure he isn’t exactly certain about how things will turn out for him if he manage to get Spock back. Back alive aboard the Enterprise, back as his first officer, back to him, full stop. Bones is probably right, it’s not the brightest idea but Jim is well known across the galaxy for his reckless thinking so one more wrong decision won’t surely hurt that much. He can withstand the temptation that is Spock. They can work together again, and just that. He is a professional Starfleet captain afterall. The once promising James T. Kirk has proven himself and his dedication already.

 

Jim snorts to his own thoughts. He certainly can’t, otherwise he would have kept his feelings bottled up when they embarked on the Enterprise-A.

 

So what, it’s gonna be a bad idea but Jim’s life is an accumulation of poor situations and it turned out… great or at least okay for him so far.

 

Bones not wanting to mend him makes Jim chuckles too, he knows the old man will always patch him up, being his body, his brain or his heart yet he understands how much he cares for him behind the harsh colourful words. “Feels better now that you’ve got this off your chest?” he asks, slapping McCoy’s forearms as he plops down the biobed.

 

He feels rejuvenated thanks to the hypo, sparkling with renewed energy and it shows in his smile. Bones groans and shrugs and that’s all Jim is gonna get as a response. It means yes, it means the good doctor is furious at Spock and at Jim for keeping him awake with all their drama but that he loves them nonetheless and can’t really stay mad at them for long.

 

“What did they REALLY do to you though? It’s been awhile since your neural pattern has been quivering like an excited puppy” Bones asks, a genuine curiosity in his tone.

 

Jim has an idea about that but he wants to talk about it with Spock first hand so he too shrugs and leads them to the bridge with an explosive laugh that shakes Bones’ insides in a good way. He’ll let Jim go with this one for once, too happy to witness such a joyful expression he had missed so dearly on his friend’s face.

 

Jim broadcasts a shipwide message to announce his safe return once he’s back in his chair with the encouraging smiles and friendly words from his bridge crew. He also declares they will not leave orbit until they’ve beamed back Spock and no one seems to disapprove his statement.

 

Once he’s done they all gather around him, Bones, Uhura, Scotty, Sulu, Chekov and it feels just like their first time on the Enterprise when they all debated on the plan to stop Nero from destroying Earth. Jim smiles waiting for Spock to make his entrance but his heart skips a beat as he realises he won’t do such a thing. Spock is at the mercy of the Talosians and they’re doing god knows what to his brain.

 

“They seemed to know he’d come rescue me...” Jim thinks aloud and earns the interest of his team.

 

“Why do you think that?” asks Uhura, her nose crinkling as she waits for Jim’s theory.

 

“Well they actually said it. ‘His…” he pauses a nanosecond too much “friend will come, we should prepare ourselves.’ They were asking me pointless questions but I felt one searching my brain just before I passed out and they said that. It’s like, from the informations they gathered they knew Spock was almost already on his way.”

 

Uhura eyes Jim suspiciously. Uhura is the communication officer, one of Jim oldest friends on top of that even if they started their relationship badly to say the least. She knows him like the back of her and his hand. She knows his speech patterns and she knows his word choice is wrong somewhere in that explanation.

 

“They were distracting you while they were looking for clues about your “friend” is that what you’re saying... Captain?”

 

He winces, she caught him red handed. Oh how he’d make her eat that sly grin of hers right now. “Alright” he mouths to her attention only, “mate.” She exults and he wants to punch her so hard… in a friendly weird way. That’s how their friendship has always been anyway.

 

She’s silent as he is, mouthing an “oh my god I knew it!” to him and they clear their throat together before focusing back onto Scotty’s and Chekov’s endless list of reasons why they are totally helpless.

 

“Guys, guys! Don’t fret, I have an idea.” He smirks and every single one of his most beloved friends roll their eyes so strongly. He can’t help but chuckle. “What?”

 

“You’re gonna beam down on that damn rock, on your own, because you’re the only one that can reach for Spock right?” Bones huffs and Jim is completely deflated.

 

“How- How d’ya know that?”

 

“Lord have mercy on us all.”

 

“Oh come on Bones, Spock succeeded once, surely I can do that too.”

 

“The two of you better come back together this time, I can’t take anymore of that bullshit.” McCoy rolls his eyes once more and the whole team snicker. They all know.

 

Jim has always suspected that about Sulu but the understanding looks in Chekov’s and Scott’s eyes say about just as much. Those little bastards.

 

The captain exposes his plan and they all agree with him, it’s their best option anyway. Consequently Jim, just as Spock earlier, beams down to the safest coordinates they have and closes his eyes. He’s not as good as Spock about meditating, his mind as always been restless. Even Spock conceded that himself once, Jim was probably one of the worst candidate for meditation.

 

Nonetheless, Spock’s life is at risk here so he has to achieve his goal. He has to find that thread he suspects connects his mind to Spock’s. The same thread he thinks the Talosians have tried to shut to attract Spock in their trap. For what purpose he has no idea and now is not the time to dwell on that matter. He must focus.

 

There’s that same pulling at the back of his head, the one he felt when they arrived on Talos IV, but it’s gentler. Just like the hands of Spock whenever they used to wander around his body.

 

He shudders and centers his mind just like Spock tried to explain to him before and then…

  
“ _Jim?_ ”


	4. Chapter 4

4.1

 

It is the last time they are playing chess together and Spock is only half focused onto the game, the cogwheels of his mind turning furiously in many differents directions.

 

Everything is ready for his departure. His resignation had been given to Jim and sent to Starfleet command, the crew has expressed its opinion regarding the matter in mostly peaceful words of support. They know him all too much not to throw him a goodbye party or gift him souvenirs of any kind anyway.

 

The only one furious about him leaving and shouting his sentiment for the whole ship to know is doctor McCoy, surprisingly. Not even Jim is saying a word unless being forced to bring the subject up and that is what makes Spock’s mind going on an endless loop of concerns.

 

“Our ETA to the starbase is approaching…” he says trying to initiate a response from Jim as their hands move around the the chessboard with each of their turn.

 

“Yeah I know. I trust you’re ready?” Jim does not look up to meet Spock’s eyes. Those all too human eyes Spock has that want desperately to tell Jim so much more than he is actually expressing aloud. Maybe Jim would catch the uncertainty in them if only he deigned lifting up his head.

 

“I am.” Spock’s voice is a hoarse whisper and he grips Jim’s bishop hard as he takes it, the maneuver useless anyway since Jim will checkmate him in 5 moves. The piece cries a silent crack with the pressure of Spock’s digits, his eyes glued to the face of the man he knows, means so many things to him that it is frightening.

 

So much in fact, that it is one of the real reason behind his departure.

 

Spock had had a relationship in the past, Nyota was a companionable female with whom he shared many common points but it had never been the rollercoaster of emotions that is Jim.

 

Jim is a fire Spock is afraid will burn him to the ground.

 

He is warm and scorching at the same time. He is happiness and pain. And yes, Spock is elated, frighteningly in love, pained, afraid and anxious altogether. Spock feels deeply all these humans emotions. It is distasteful for the half vulcan though because his half human part is rubbing off on his vulcan one, and because he experiences all this and more, he thinks he has to leave to restore his mental controls.

 

And help his people too. It is just that he is not entirely certain of what is the priority for him at this point, though when he will board the shuttle to New Vulcan he will choose the survival of his people, of course...

 

Perhaps attempting the Kolinahr while on New Vulcan would be a logical step toward the peace of his mind, he thought on several occasions already. There are so many confusing feelings running through his blood. Too many. It would be a logical solution to purge them and thus embracing fully his vulcan heritage.

 

Not that he actually wants to embrace it, if he is honest with himself, which he is far from being lately. He would rather embrace Jim but Jim IS the problem here.

 

Jim said “okay” when Spock told him about the call of the New Vulcan council.

 

Jim said “sure, obviously you need to go” when Spock told him that they tried to run tests on the theories of late Ambassador concerning the artificial reproducing device but that all of them failed and that it would be logical that only him would hold the key to these theories.

 

“It certainly is the only logical choice.” Spock answered half-heartedly and then everything sped up to lead to that one last chess game.

 

_Look at me Jim._

 

Jim licks his lips as he would often do for many different reasons but Spock has no space left in his mind to try and interpret it.

 

_Ask me to stay._

 

He moves another piece, confirming the impending checkmate.

 

_Tell me you do not believe a word you said, tell me all the things you did not dare to say._

 

But Jim never answers any of Spock’s silent pleas. They never finish their game either as Jim is called to the bridge shortly after that.

 

Spock leaves the next day, flees, McCoy would say, wearing the only civilian clothes he had, an old gift from Nyota, the few belongings he has neatly put into his bag, the bishop he “borrowed” without Jim’s consent tucked safely into his pocket.

 

Vulcans do not see the logic of sentimental values applied on inanimate objects. Supposedly.

 

Spock is not completely vulcan. It is a convenient excuse at times.

 

It is also oftentimes a painful reminder of things he lost, of things he had to endure while surrounded by full blood vulcans. But now his status is different. He is a savior. He is not the outcast he once considered himself to be.

 

It will change everything right? It will make him feel accepted and accomplished right?

 

“You were accepted and an accomplished man already on board your starship, Mister Spock, were you not?” The Talosian answers for him.

 

They would not let his mind rest and enters the trance that would help him heal his shattered controls. Likewise, they would not let him fully regain consciousness and Spock suspects that it has to do with his strength although greatly compromised after the mental attack he suffered when he came to save Jim.

 

“You came back for him but he let you go so easily before, do you really think he would take you back like that?”

 

Spock thinks about the moment shared in Jim’s mind. “We kissed-” he confesses, too weak to even keep this moment private, desperate to convince himself he still can return to Jim’s side like nothing happened.

 

“You kissed him.” the Talosian interrupts him.

 

“It takes two. You used me to be sure he would not struggle in his mental prison. Just like you are using him to weaken me further. I will not be affected by your low manipulations.”

 

“And yet, you are still in our control.”

 

Spock almost grunts in his semi consciousness. They are just as good as doctor McCoy is in annoying him. The only difference being that with one it is a pleasant game, with the others it is a survival one.

 

“Oh believe us Mister Spock, we do not want you anymore harm than what was done to you already.”

 

“I find this statement rather hard to believe.”

 

It is a strange feeling to know how your body would react to the things you say or think but to be unable to actually move. For this instance, he would surely raise an eyebrow, recite the words and maybe clasp his hands behind his back.

 

It always made Jim smirk whenever Spock would argue with Bones and stand that way.

 

“What do you want from me?” he asks trying to divert his thoughts from the subject he was tortured with.

 

“We captured your bondmate to make you come to us.”

 

“He is not-”

 

“You more than anyone should know that statement to be false. I thought that Vulcans did not lie…”

 

Oh, only to themselves.

 

“Right, he just does not know it. Anyway, we believe you are the perfect candidate for the next step in our evolution. Our kind have been hiding all those centuries after the war, our telepathic abilities have greatly improved but the life we endured has deeply weakened our body whereas our brain has attained near perfection. You are a telepathic species with a strong body. You are the one we need to survive.”

 

If Spock could sigh and roll his eyes, now would probably be THE time to do that. Of course it is about the survival of a species. Of course he is the logical choice.

The Talosian leaves him without further ado and the iron will controlling his mind lessen merely but enough for him to feel a slight tug on the faintly glowing thread tentatively trying to reach for Spock now that the Talosian is gone. Spock concentrates the mere remains of his mental strength to hide this to the Talosians. And then...

 

_“Fuck it, I won’t lose to logic again.”_

 

_“Jim?”_

 

4.2

 

The first Talosian’s strategy was to convince Spock that Jim would never take him back and that he would be better with them instead.

 

Obviously they are amazing telepaths but poor judges when emotions are at stakes… or personal life goals for the matter.

 

Thus, they tried a different approach, the same they used on Jim and it was easily understood why Jim was tempted to remain living in his fantasies. It was, in all honesty, a delightful way of cocooning Spock’s mind than to offer him Jim and all those things they have shared before Spock left for New Vulcan.

 

It asked of him an unthinkable amount of will to put his plan into action, to leave the comfort of this imaginary Jim, to summon a dark part of him he was somehow ashamed of, that all of his people was very secretive of.

 

“What is necessary is never unwise.” Spock repeats his father’s words to himself like a mantra before he snaps the Talosian’s control and runs into the darkest part of his mind, where the storm runs in, farther away from everything. The coldest place, the loudest, thunderous part of his mind where he stores all the anger and animosity accumulated ever since he has been born.

 

The Talosian can’t follow him there, he knows that now. He was not sure at first, it was more of a blind gamble they made and as usual, a hunch and he is somehow proud of Jim’s “educated guesses” as he often used to be.  

 

Hiding in the middle of his own turmoil, Spock can feel the Talosian’s fear. He is not in a better state as he is surrounded by things and memories he was so far quite contempt on having locked away but he is determined. He has a goal. He has to get back to the ship and most of all, to its captain.

 

Inside his personal tempest he sees the bullying kids from his childhood, the death of his mother, the destruction of his own planet and his anger for the one named Nero… but he is looking for one particular memory. Something else entirely. Something that should not have been able to shake him more than what happened on Vulcan but that has anyway, despite all logic. Or maybe it is because it defies all logic that it is why he reacted that way. It is the last memory he would want to relive by far but it is also the one that triggered him the most and it is what he needs to get out of this at once.

 

_“It’s gonna be okay…”_

 

Spock closes his eyes, with a surge of confidence coming from those delicate words whispered only to him through the golden thread attached around his wrist. He sorts out the furious memories circling him, extends his arm and grabs the one he is reluctantly looking for.

 

Suddenly, he is punching him with all his might. Spock is long gone by now, he is more of an animal really, a raging frenzied one hitting and hitting Khan relentlessly. He wants to kill him with everything he has. Every cell in his body is screaming for him to end this life that took Jim from him and he is so close to succeed, he knows it.

 

Something, someone calls him. It is distant. It should be Nyota’s voice but it is not and that is what prevents Spock from killing the Talosian he has assaulted when he finally woke up from his captivity.

 

The makeshift repairs on the cell could not handle the beast Spock awakened and he surged right through it as he emerged from unconsciousness, beating the Talosian up as if he was Khan.

 

“Spock!” Jim shouts and Spock blinks away the remnants of his animosity, letting go of the inanimate Talosian, his enormous head falling onto the floor with a loud thud.

 

Spock is out of breath but tries his best to regain some of his composure as he gets up, wiping his bloodied knuckles on his black robes.

 

Jim runs to him and activates the beaming device Scotty tampered with and suddenly, he is back on the Enterprise. They both are, Jim’s arm is slid around his middle and Spock cannot really come to terms with the fact that it is Jim that is holding him, cradling his face, whispering things he has a hard time understanding.

 

Everything seems blurry. He is so tired, he just want to rest. Jim is safe, they are together again, he can close his eyes now, it does not matter if everything, everyone around him tries to prevent him from doing so by being so illogically loud.

 

“Humans...” he thinks as he closes his eyes despite McCoy efforts to keep him awake while Jim transports him to medbay.

 

“Stubborn green blooded bastard!” McCoy groans but it lacks his usual knack. It’s his way of telling that he is glad the Vulcan came back in one piece and with Jim uninjured on top of that.

The doctor doesn’t have to explain to Jim that Spock has entered his infamous healing trance.

 

They both know they are kinda helpless right now and that Spock won’t probably wake up before long especially if Jim understood enough of the shattered mind he took a glimpsed at while he tentatively reached his mind and followed the thread attached to his wrist.

 

So they return to their post. Bones keeps an eye on the Vulcan and Jim debriefs his team and his superiors.

 

The Enterprise is running away from Talos IV, there’s no other words considering Jim has ordered maximum warp speed to get as far away from this “damn rock” as possible.  

 

He has issued a very alarming report that convinces Starfleet command to impose a quarantine on the planet. Too powerful yet not warp capable. It’s hiding the problem under the rug Jim thinks but he’s just too happy they have found their way out of this to actively talk to them and convince them that maybe there could be another way. Later maybe, he’ll try.

 

“So what you’re saying is that you told Spock to basically engage his ‘beast-mode’ to beat the crap out of those guys?” Sulu asks one day as the senior crew minus Spock eat their dinner in the mess hall after Alpha.

 

“Well... “ Jim shifts in his seat and tilts his head right before a grin spreads on his lips. “Yeah? I mean they seem to react more to negative emotions than to happy ones. Every time Spock and I either saw them was after they’ve angered us even the tiniest bit.” He doesn’t add that in his case it’s when they angered him by making Spock disappear and in Spock one by unnerving him, trying to convince him Jim would never want him back. “That frightened them enough that it gave me the opportunity to stun those running to the rescue of the one torturing Spock. They were too busy with their problem at hands that they never saw me coming.”

 

“No but the real question here is how did you manage to talk to Spock?” Uhura shoots a knowing smirk to Jim that rolls his eyes and throws his fry into her direction. She has been trying to make Jim say something aloud ever since he came back and she always has been so stupidly stubborn at times. Or is it him?

 

“Repetitive mind melds needed during away missions must have developed some kind of a telepathic link between us I don’t know… I just followed the damn link...” he grits through his teeth and glares at her when she mouths at him while discreetly shaking her head “it’s a bond Jimmy.”

 

Of course he wants to believe her but Spock’s still not out of his trance and it’s seriously starting to drive him crazy because it’s been days and for someone that kept on saying how vulcans do not require the same amount of rest than humans it’s quite hypocritical really.

 

The conversation shifts quickly when Scott brags about his doings in the whole issue and it lightens the mood a little but still, Jim leaves the table soon after that, with his tray mostly untouched, and no one says anything or tries to stop him because they know what a toll it’s taking on their captain and they just understand.

 

He wanders without purpose along the ship’s pristine and deserted corridors, his hand idly caressing the blindingly white material.

 

As much as it pained McCoy to order this from him, Jim is forbidden to enter medbay, his “link” with Spock or whatever it is, endangers the trance or at least delays its end.

 

Basically all he can do is wait and Jim has never really been good at that. But it’s for Spock so he does his best even if it means endlessly touring a ship he knows by heart.

 

He ends up in his quarter after his stroll and walks past the chessboard, missing the worn out bishop back to its rightful place as he slides his exhausted body in bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only one chapter to go, I hope you're still enjoying this ^^  
> Happy holidays everyone!


	5. Chapter 5

Jim wakes up stretching his sore muscles, his legs mostly as he feels a slight weight restraining the movements of his upper body. Upon further inspection, meaning after reluctantly having cracked an eye open, he finds out that the source of his struggle is an arm, said arm belonging to his very own first officer with his eyes closed and his hair ruffled.

 

Wait.

 

Jim blinks several times and sits abruptly, Spock groaning as he opens his sleepy eyes slowly and damn ‘isn’t he adorable?’ Jim thinks with his disheveled look.

 

“Cold” Spock grunts and he grabs Jim’s wrist to pull him back against him, the captain more than willing to wrap himself around Spock to offer him some body heat. They’re cuddling under the covers and Spock nestles his head against the crook of Jim’s neck.

 

It’s so surreal. Jim’s heart hammers loudly in his chest and he bites his bottom lip hard as if to ascertain that this is not one of those fantasies the Talosians trapped him into. “Is it-? Is that-?” He doesn’t know how to ask, or what to ask. Is this real, is that you? Are you in my arms, are you here to stay? Will we mend the hearts we’ve broken? There are too many options to start with.

 

Thankfully, Spock is here and he knows what to do. Because Spock always knows what to do. Well, he mostly knows. ‘Cause he still left and that was not the right thing to do.

 

For now though, Spock seems to grasp the situation quite well. Lifting up his chin, the sleepiness gone from his beautiful eyes he is pressing his lips against Jim’s and the myriad emotions flooding Jim’s mind answers every single of his questions as their lips parts and their tongue dance like they’ve never been separated by more light years than necessary.

 

_Yes._

 

_Yes._

 

_Yes._

 

_Yes._

 

_...Yes._

 

“Okay.” Jim whispers against Spock’s lips blissfully happy. He kisses away the pang of guilt he felt with the last yes Spock murmured in his mind. He knows he has broken Spock’s heart by staying silent just as much as Spock broke his when he left. They owe each other the same amount of repairs so there’s no reason to let that spoil the fact that Spock is back from his trance, from all this. Because he said it himself, he said yes, he said he is here to stay.

 

They forcefully pull back before one lacks oxygen and they stare at each other as they catch their breath. It’s disgustingly sappy but Jim has always been a hopeless romantic and deep down behind his vulcan mask Spock has always been one too.

 

“Spock…” Jim murmurs and just being able to see the light in those eyes sparkle once again as he calls Spock’s name makes Jim melt altogether. He clears his throat trying to voice aloud what has intrigued him for a while now though. “...I entered your mind, and you entered mine, and we were not engaged in a meld and i’m psi-null. What was that?”

 

He’d love to spend the rest of his morning kissing Spock really, but his mind has been restless for too long, it feels like it will only be at peace with answers, and only Spock has them.

 

While he was healing his mind Spock understood that it was the answer to those questions that frightened him in the first place. Not the feelings and their force. Loving Jim has never been scary, maybe what scared him though was thinking that Jim did not love him as much in return. And because this link developed between them, because the morning the New Vulcan Council called, Spock understood that this link, this bond that spontaneously grew was one that he only heard about in legends, would have to be severed if Jim was not as desperately in love with him than Spock was. It was purely because of this and of unnecessary miscommunications that Spock simply ran away.

 

He is not scared anymore though. He saw it in Jim’s mind, the depth of his love, the way the thread was so unhappy, trapped in the greenhouse, the way it shivered, sparkled with life and excitement and joy as both part of their links found their way back to each other when Spock came back to save Jim, when they kissed and Spock needed no words to understand how he had left Jim miserable after his departure.

 

So Spock explains everything. He tells Jim about the bond they share and the nature of it, that it frightened him because he never dared to even think he would experience such a thing, that the Talosians tried to break that link because they knew someone was on the other side and would come to the rescue, that it is because this bond is so strong that they were able to communicate and find each other and finally he tells Jim that it will be painful but that it can be permanently destroyed if he wants to.

 

Spock is honest to Jim because Jim deserves to know everything. It is precisely because words were kept to each others that they ended up so desperate and Spock vowed to himself never to do that again.

 

Jim remains silent for a while, digesting everything Spock is saying, one information at a time.

 

The headache, the weird neural pattern was because the bond was still fresh and they were too far away from each other.

 

The Talosians almost succeeded in cutting the thread and others will probably try their luck too in the future unless Spock teaches him how to properly shield his mind.

 

They are so in love with each other and their mind are so compatible that they grew a link that supposedly exists only in ancient Vulcan myths.

 

They are so in love with each other.

 

“We’re vulcan married dear, yet you are asking me for a divorce, so soon?” Jim suddenly laughs softly and looks Spock with his best affronted face but he shines so bright it is impossible for Spock not to almost-smile in return.

 

“Perhaps I should ask you to human marry me instead then?” And if Jim was shining, he is beaming right now and it is all that Spock needs as an answer.

 

The thread linking them pulls them together for another kiss, stealing each other’s breath before one of them latches his mouth to the other’s throat. It’s Spock’s mouth that travels down Jim’s adam’s apple, leaving purple marks along his way and Jim feels dizzy. He had been dizzy a lot lately but now it’s for a good cause. He feels like he’s gonna explode anytime soon. It’s different, in a much much better way than what he felt inside those memories he had experienced again lately. He was too cautious of the time he would wake up and honestly now the only thing waking up is trapped between them as Spock rolls on top of Jim.

 

“Spock-” Jim moans and is cut short by his lover’s mouth on him again, and again. Endlessly kissing him, their bodies pressed so tight they could probably merge at some point. Jim wouldn’t even be surprised by now if it was possible.

 

Spock smiles against his plump lips, a genuine true smile and Jim knows it’s because Spock can read his mind like an open book and doesn’t even have the time to think that it’s unfair that Spock drops his shields and Jim can feel whatever goes through Spock’s mind and he can’t help the pleased gasps he lets out.

 

“Why, Mister Spock, you have a mind almost as dirty as mine”

 

“Something I have learned from you.”

 

They both laugh and kiss and it’s messy, happy, heated, all at once. They have longed for each other so much their impatience shows in every moves they make. Their hands shake as they digest themselves of their nightclothes, but then again they also quiver as they touch and caress each other just because they have waited too much for this moment to arrive.

 

Spock knocks several objects on his way to reach for the lube on the nightstand and Jim just snorts as he sucks on Spock’s earlobe because his vulcan has never been this uncoordinated unless he was drunk. And now that he thinks of it, their drunk sex are always the giggling ones, the ones he is quite fond of and Spock tries to glare at Jim but he fails, his eyes, his mind telling a different story to Jim, a story in which he actually likes to forget his all too serious vulcan side from time to time when he’s intimate with the man he’s bonded to.

 

When Spock’s cold coated digit enters Jim they both moan so loud it startles them first and they soon realize that they simply can’t afford to take their time. They’re gonna burst if they don’t act on the bond’s need.

 

Spock explained earlier that the bond would need them to be reunited in the physical way for it to be fully settled and it screams for them to actually do that right now. Spock wants to do things right though, he does not want to hurt Jim but Jim’s patience is running thinner by the second and he is soon begging Spock with colourful words that tint the tip of Spock’s ears that lovely green shade that always drives Jim crazy.

 

And when Jim begs and whines and moans for Spock to just ‘fuck him already’, Spock just cannot refuse his captain.

 

Suddenly he his inside him and Spock leaves a bruise on Jim’s hips as he is overwhelmed by the man’s warmth, by the way his muscles grip his cock tight each time he thrusts into that delicious heat. The way Jim arches over the bed, gasps for air and meets each of Spock’s moves tell the Vulcan that he is doing his job right and Jim’s deeply flushed and leaking cock certainly does not contradict his thoughts.

 

Spock is very much tempted to reach for that rosy skin and his hand is almost wrapped around the aching flesh when Jim catches it and places it on his face. He does not need to speak of what he wants, Spock can feel the shiver running down both their spines as his fingertips barely brush Jim’s psi-points.

 

Their bodies, their minds, finally are one and together again.

 

As they both come undone with their orgasm they find themselves in the field where Spock once saw the frail thread snap and the arboretum shatter except that now in this amazing rebuilded greenhouse the doors are wide open and it does not imprison anything anymore, it protects a gordian knot, an intricate golden bond.

 

Looking at each other’s mind they playfully whisper the same words before slipping away from the meld, drifting off to sleep in each other’s arms, under the protection of a chess piece that has travelled more than it should have but that is back where it belongs, just like them.

  
“ _It really is the only logical choice..._ ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... it's done! I hope you've enjoyed it! It's a very important story for me because it's my first fic for the Star Trek fandom (though i've been a fan ever since my childhood) and it's the first fic i've written in more than 5 years. Talk about some major writer's block haha. Anyway I'm quite overwhelmed with the response, the kudos and comments i've received so i think i'll continue writing in 2018. I've got a few ideas up my sleeve, let's hope i'll be able to turn them into fics at some point. In the meantime if you wanna drop by you'll find me on tumblr [here](http://teactoc.tumblr.com/) ~
> 
> Thank you for reading, "kudoing" and/or leaving comments! See ya!


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